why do other peoples returns always look better than mine

Survivorship bias is what happens when the record you are looking at contains only the ones that made it — the funds that were never merged away, the traders still in the group chat, the companies still listed. It flatters the average badly, because failures leave the sample quietly instead of reporting themselves. It is the main reason the returns the people around you appear to earn sit far above the returns they actually earn.

comparing your own returns with the people around you is known as

Social comparison, and in a rising market it usually surfaces as FOMO — the fear of missing out. What makes it so costly is that the comparison is unfair by construction: you know your entire portfolio including its losers, while you hear only somebody else’s single best position. Envy also works during rallies rather than falls, which is why it damages more plans than fear does.

what to ask when someone says they made 4x on a stock

Ask what percentage of their total portfolio was in it. Four times the money on 2% of a portfolio adds about six percentage points to the total — real, but not the transformation the story implies. Position size is the number almost nobody volunteers, and without it you are hearing a single position return dressed up as a portfolio result.

what should I compare my portfolio returns against

Your own goal first, and a published total-return index second — the NIFTY 50 TRI, or a blend that matches the allocation you actually hold. A total-return index includes dividends, so it is the honest comparison for a portfolio that receives them too, and it reports its bad years rather than hiding them. What never works as a benchmark is another person, because that compares a whole diversified portfolio with their best single holding.

why do I feel poorer when the market is going up

Because your reference point moved, not your money. Once a colleague’s smallcap doubles, the mental benchmark for “a good year” quietly resets to their result rather than your plan, and a perfectly adequate 11% starts to register as a shortfall. The portfolio is unchanged — only the number you are silently measuring it against has changed.

FOMO and comparing your returns to others

Fear does its damage during falls, which are rare and obvious. Envy does its damage during rallies, which are common and pleasant, and it does not feel like a psychological failure at the time — it feels like paying attention.

Think of it like this

Everyone's highlight reel

Nobody posts the holiday that was rained out or the wedding photo they did not like. Judged by a social feed, everyone else's life is a sequence of best moments, because that is what a feed is for.

In the market

The same filter runs on returns. The cousin who tripled his money announces it; the same cousin's two wiped-out positions are never mentioned. You are comparing your whole portfolio against other people's best holding.

Three filters that distort what you hear

Filter	What it does	Effect on you
Selection	People report wins and stay quiet about losses	The reported average return of your acquaintances is far above the real one
Survivorship	The trader who blew up left the group chat	You only ever hear from the ones it worked for, so far
Framing	"Up 3× on Adani" rarely comes with the position size	3× on 2% of a portfolio is a 6% gain, told as though it were transformational

The specific damage

Envy does not usually cause one dramatic mistake. It causes a slow drift: a slightly more aggressive fund, then a thematic one, then a small position in whatever is running, then a larger one because the small one worked. Each step is defensible on its own. The portfolio at the end is one nobody would have chosen deliberately.

◆ Your call

The group chat

A college group chat has spent three months discussing a defence stock that has tripled. Two friends are in it. Your own portfolio — index funds and four businesses you understand — is up 9% this year. Someone posts the chart again.

Choose the benchmark deliberately

Your goal, not a person. The relevant question is whether you are on track for the house, the education, the retirement — not whether you beat your brother-in-law.
A published index, if you want a market benchmark. The NIFTY 50 TRI, or a blend matching your allocation. It is public, it does not exaggerate, and it includes its bad years.
Your own plan. "12% assumed, 11.4% delivered over six years" is a complete answer and requires no one else to be in the room.
Never a single position. Comparing a diversified portfolio against anybody's best stock is a comparison you have arranged to lose.

Check yourself

A colleague says he made 4× on a smallcap this year. What is the single most useful question?

Simple bhasha mein

Sabki highlight reel

Koi kharab wali chhutti ki photo nahi daalta. Jisne 4x banaya woh batata hai; uske do doobe hue stock kabhi nahi bataye jaate. Ek sawaal poochh lo — "poore portfolio ka kitna hissa tha usme?" Aksar 2% nikalta hai, matlab 6% ka fayda. Kahani chhoti ho jaati hai.

What to remember

Envy operates in good times, which is why it is more dangerous than fear.
You hear position returns, never portfolio returns, and never the losers.
Ask about position size — it converts a story back into arithmetic.
The damage is a slow drift into a portfolio nobody would have chosen deliberately.
Benchmark against your goal or a published index, never against a person.

You reached the endMark it done and keep your streak going.

Up nextWhen changing your mind is discipline, not weakness Previous: Boredom is the real risk in a working plan

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Common questions

Short, direct answers to what people ask about this topic.

why do other peoples returns always look better than mine: Survivorship bias is what happens when the record you are looking at contains only the ones that made it — the funds that were never merged away, the traders still in the group chat, the companies still listed. It flatters the average badly, because failures leave the sample quietly instead of reporting themselves. It is the main reason the returns the people around you appear to earn sit far above the returns they actually earn.
comparing your own returns with the people around you is known as: Social comparison, and in a rising market it usually surfaces as FOMO — the fear of missing out. What makes it so costly is that the comparison is unfair by construction: you know your entire portfolio including its losers, while you hear only somebody else’s single best position. Envy also works during rallies rather than falls, which is why it damages more plans than fear does.
what to ask when someone says they made 4x on a stock: Ask what percentage of their total portfolio was in it. Four times the money on 2% of a portfolio adds about six percentage points to the total — real, but not the transformation the story implies. Position size is the number almost nobody volunteers, and without it you are hearing a single position return dressed up as a portfolio result.
what should I compare my portfolio returns against: Your own goal first, and a published total-return index second — the NIFTY 50 TRI, or a blend that matches the allocation you actually hold. A total-return index includes dividends, so it is the honest comparison for a portfolio that receives them too, and it reports its bad years rather than hiding them. What never works as a benchmark is another person, because that compares a whole diversified portfolio with their best single holding.
why do I feel poorer when the market is going up: Because your reference point moved, not your money. Once a colleague’s smallcap doubles, the mental benchmark for “a good year” quietly resets to their result rather than your plan, and a perfectly adequate 11% starts to register as a shortfall. The portfolio is unchanged — only the number you are silently measuring it against has changed.